If you find you just don't look as good in UnderGoos as our sexy models, the following information may be of interest to you. We hope you find it helpful.

A. Enhance your musculature

1. The ladies muscley bits up top - if you find you aren't filling the ladybump bits of the UnderGoos in the way you would wish simply stuff the cups with something suitable to fill them out - you may find a pair of socks (unworn for preference), some toilet tissue or two small balloons filled with jelly or custard will be best for this. 
2. The mans muscley bits down below - well firstly size doesn't matter. No really it doesn't. People are laughing with you not at you. However if you feel the need to pad yourself out our extensive testing programme means we can say with confidence please don't be tempted to use a banana (which goes squishy), a salami (which may start to smell quite unusual) or a brie salad baguette (which has a tendency to ooze nasty GUI stuff as it warms up)

B. Reduce your wobbly bits

1. Wobbly bits can be effectively removed by wrapping yourself tightly in cling film (saran wrap). This has the duel benefits of holding everything in and firming it all up. In addition you may find that the heavy sweating assists weight loss.
2. Alternatively you can use the principal that those eye wrinkle removers use and plump up the rest of your body around the wobbly bits. Best achieved by drinking lots of liquids (beer and high calorie alco-pops are best), eating lots of food and doing very little exercise.
3. Exercise is an effective way to reduce your wobble factor, but many types are very very boring. We at the GooglePlex find Rollerblading, ski trips and occasional hunting with hounds of Microsoft Employees keeps us fit and healthy, and we enjoy the communal showers afterwards.

A. Face it you never will be

1. You have less money
2. You don't spend the day toning the muscles by rollerblading
3. You're a geek

B. But I used to be and now I'm not

1. What was sexy in the 80's is now just sad and somewhat scary
2. You don't spend the day toning the muscles by rollerblading
3. You didn't used to be a geek

How does Larry Page Rank?

   1. By how large their breasts are
   2. and if their bum looks big in that
   3. he doesn't fancy yours much though

• About UnderGoos : why everything we do is 'just pants'
• SEOs : everything you want to know about SEO.
• What do these strange words mean? : the answer you're looking for may already be listed in our Glossary.